I’m drained. I spent the last two hours explaining to my kids why dad still isn’t home, making lame excuses and giving vague timelines for his arrival. “He’s just finishing up a few things at work, and then we can go.” My kids are restless. We spent the morning and early afternoon preparing for our…
Author: Jennifer
Resolve
In an old brick building near downtown, I sit on a beige couch in my mom’s tidy apartment. We are chatting in her living room between potted plants and a few nick nacks. She looks at me with worry, “But what if he changes his mind?” My stomach feels heavy like it’s full of rocks;…
The Light
Waking up groggy in the morning after another fight, I scan my mind thinking of someone I can call. I decide on his mom. “Something has got to give. I can’t keep doing this. There used to be good days, but now there are no more good days,” I tell her, craving an answer. “Oh,…
Bathroom
I exhale slowly as my back slides down the bathroom door. For now, he is quiet. I don’t know how long I am going to have to stay in here. Now that there is stillness, the sobs jolt me. “I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? How can I get him to calm down?”…
To Have and To Hold: A Broken Marriage
Dear one, this is for you. Looking back over the years, maybe decades, you observe the rubble that was your marriage. You are searching for the treasure, but all you see are broken pieces of what could have been beautiful. To have and to hold, to love and to cherish. You promised these things, and…
My House
Sitting quietly in an over-lit conference room, we look at closing documents and mortgage papers on the long table in front of us. I am filled with a mix of relief and agitation at the commitment of buying a home. Polite talk fills the room until we settle down to business. The closing agent hands…
Apologies
Lying in the dark, a cold stillness all around me, I know that he wants me to “meet his needs”. I’m turned away towards my bedroom window. His hand grazes my hip, and my heart burns under my ribs. His words from previous disagreements echo in my head, “You shouldn’t withhold your body from me….
Budget
“We need to setup a new budget. This isn’t working; you are constantly transferring money from savings,” J states. “Well, I don’t what else you want me to do. I can’t pull money out of my butt. You are spending way over your entertainment budget, and I transfer money to pay the bills.” I lower…
Wrestling
In our bedroom, with dark, muted blue walls, I sift through my pajama pants to find a pair to exchange for my fitted jeans. I slink into a pair of yoga pants, but leave my sweater on, eager to sit down and relax for a few minutes. J comes up the creaky, carpeted stairs into…
Laundry
“Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom.” I listen to the door close quietly as the hot tears come. Isn’t this supposed to help? Then why do I feel more hopeless than ever? We sit a few inches apart on a stuffed couch in the counselor’s office. He takes our payment at the…